It’s that time of year when expat home leave is drawing to an end and expat families are getting ready to return to homes in their host countries after short or extended home leave visits.  The way we describe this “going home after home leave” hints at the mixed emotions of the experience.

We go home (where we’re from) on home leave

We, and our children, reconnect with family and friends whom we love and miss when we are away.

We feel relief at the ease of getting things done in our mother tongue in a system we know well.

We love that we can go to the supermarket or shop online for our weekly provisions and get everything we want, in one shop.  It feels great to get shoes in our size without being laughed at.

We feel nostalgia for the culture we have left behind and we miss those silly little things that are a part of who we are.

But somehow we are unsettled by the experience.

Being home brings into relief what we have left behind as well as making us realise what we’ve gained by moving.

Family and friends make us feel like visiting celebrities, but then quickly loose interest in our new lives and revert to more comfortable topics of conversation.

We’re often overwhelmed by consumerism, we’ve forgotten how we make choices when confronted by seemingly endless possibilities and that’s only in the breakfast cereal isle.

We start to miss our adopted countries, our expat friends, our normal routines.  We get tired of living out of a suitcase.  We start comparing.

Then we go home (where we’ve made our lives) again

We experience some of the dislocation we first experienced when we moved overseas.  Our children do too.  If it’s the first home leave, we feel as if we are starting at the beginning again.

All the things that make life challenging in the new country seem particularly annoying.  We make comparisons. We miss “home” – the other one!

We’re always surprised that while we’ve been away, someone else has moved on (maybe a child’s classmate, perhaps someone we were just getting to know)

It takes us a little while but we’re pleased to be back

We’re happy to reconnect with our expat friends, who may even have started to feel as close as family

Our children are happy to be back, to see their friends, to go back to school and activities, to be back in their own environment

We’re happy to return to our routines, at ease in our own space and feeling excited to be back to the challenge of living life in a different culture and language.

Making it Easier to Come Home

Coming home after home leave can undoubtedly be an emotional rollercoaster.  Here are our top tips for making the transition smoother:

1. Give yourself and your family members time Home leave and coming home to your adopted country can be deeply unsettling.  Don’t expect that you will feel 100% good about being back immediately and give your children some time to readjust too.
2. Reconnect with your adopted country Organise activities that help you to reconnect with the things and people you love most about your new country.
3. Avoid comparisons Both countries are different, love each one for what it is.  Our mantra at Thriving Abroad is “It’s not wrong, its just different”
4. Make an effort to stay connected with the family and friends you’ve just left After home leave, although its been great to reconnect, we often paradoxically feel a deepened sense of disconnect with them, particularly if they’ve seemed disinterested in your new life.  But they probably just don’t know how to relate to your experiences and allowing it to create distance between you will make you feel lonelier.

How do you feel when you return after home leave?  Do you have any other tips that have helped you to re-assimilate?  Leave your comments below or join the conversation on our Facebook Group.