International Relocation - Insights from a Summer on the Move

You might have noticed that it’s been a little quiet on the blog this summer.  That’s because Louise and I have both been busy with international relocation, in fact both of us have been repatriating.  Louise has moved from Lisbon in Portugal back to her home in the South of England and, after 26 years of living overseas, I’ve moved from Brussels, Belgium back to Edinburgh.

We’ve both undertaken many international relocations and of course we talk to and work with people who have moved every day so most aspects of the experience are not new to us.  However, living the experience brings it all into stark relief and is a great reminder of some of the aspects of moving that fade in our memories between moves or that we are often inclined to underestimate.  And, in no particular order that’s what we’re going to talk about in this post.

Saying goodbye is always hard. 

It doesn’t matter how many times you’ve moved, where you’re going or where you’re leaving, it’s always hard to say goodbye to the place and especially to the people that we’re leaving behind.  If you’re going somewhere where you know no-one, it can be even more daunting to say goodbye.

International relocation takes more time and energy than you think it will

Does it ever?  I feel like I’ve spent the last 6 months principally engaged in the details of my international relocation. Whether it’s finding a place to live, finding schools if you have children or just getting sorted out, moving is incredibly time consuming.  Working with a relocation consultant helps but there’s still a lot of stuff that you can’t avoid doing yourself.  I moved in early July.  My house is functioning, the kids are in school and life is hitting it’s normal stride but I am still dealing with paperwork, unpacking and organising and will be for a while yet.

International relocation is stressful

Whether it’s your first international relocation or your tenth, moving is stressful.  Be kind to yourself and remind yourself and your family members to be patient with each other.  The stresses of moving play out in different ways for each family member (more about that later) so don’t assume that, because it’s not evident, it’s not there.  After so many moves, I get through the busiest parts of it almost on autopilot but when things calm down, then it shows….

No matter how much you clear out, you’ve never done enough

Every time I move I have a great purge of the detritus that has accumulated in my home since the last move.  I love it and find it liberating, though other members of my family don’t see it the same way (See “moving is stressful” above).  But the reality is that I always end up doing more clearing out when I arrive in my new home.  That’s partly because getting rid of stuff; selling, giving it away or disposing of it, takes time and I simply run out of time and partly because, sometimes I hold onto something thinking it will work in my new home and it doesn’t. It’s of course a bigger issue if you’re moving all of your household goods but, even if you’re going with luggage or an air shipment, you’ll find that  you’ve brought stuff that’s surplus to requirements.

Suspending judgement is important

In your new country, even if it’s “home”, things get done differently from the way you are used to.  It’s easy to be judgemental about the way “they” do things.  I try to remind myself that it’s not wrong, it’s just different, though sometimes that can be harder than others.

There will always be something that drives you mad

Talking of things that are done differently, there will always be something in your new home country that will drive you crazy. ALWAYS!  In reality though, the only people who are affected by overt displays of frustration are you and those around you.  I try to remind myself of that as I reacquaint myself with British Telecom’s legendary (in a bad way) customer service.   (Takes deep breath – it’s not wrong, it’s just different.)

Every time you relocate it’s different

Each international relocation is  a different experience.  You are at a different stage in life, your children are older than they were last time, you’re moving from a different country and to a different country among other things.  This means that, although some things hold true for every relocation, you will experience different challenges every time.

Everyone’s experience is different

We all deal with change in different ways and it’s important to keep this in mind as each member of your family will have his or her own experience throughout the relocation.  Each person will be challenged or excited by different things and at different times.  I’m having to be particularly focused on this thought during this move as, in moving to the UK, I am a repatriate but the rest of my family are expats here – as my daughter reminds me, “It’s not MY home Mum!”

It’s important to have a plan for you

As an expat partner, it’s really easy to get caught up in the details of moving, in making sure that your physical environment is properly set up and, if you have children, getting them settled.  But don’t forget to think about yourself too.  Make sure that you have at least a rough outline of a plan for what you will do once you’ve moved. This applies to your social life and your professional life or self development.  Because Louise and I work from our respective homes, we’ve realised that it’s important to find activities in our local areas that give us a way to engage with people with common interests and to ensure that we’re not very dull girls – all work and no fun.

If been through an international relocation recently (or not so recently) tell us in the comments below or on Facebook what surprised you about the moving process.