Five Secret strategies for keeping going when all you want to do is GO HOME!
It’s that time of year, the honeymoon period is coming to an end, the novelty of “new” is beginning to wear off and thoughts of “home” can bring a disturbing urge to cry…
Don’t worry you are not alone!
Settling in and adapting is most definitely not a walk in the park. We’ve been in this position more times than we care to remember and whilst we know it’s not easy we also know that it will pass…. it is just something you are going to have to work your way through.
In this blog post we share our five strategies for making it through intact.
No get out of jail card for the first year….
This one comes from Evelyn and it’s a great strategy. Once the decision to relocate has been made she and her husband have an agreement that no-one will insist on “going home” or even suggest it as a possibility for the first year, no matter how bad it gets. Once those first 365 days are up however, if one decides that it’s not working then the other has to listen. Their experience has shown that generally most of the tough adaptation challenges occur in the first year and by the end neither is wanting to give up.
Don’t simply stay home……
Tempting though it can be to create your perfect “home from home” and then stay there, you have to recognise that closeting yourself in your “comfort zone” will not help you to get the most from your foreign adventure and experience. Take a BIG deep breath and get on out there….unless of course you are in a war zone, then of course, please stay safe.
Other people’s grief and frustration is THEIRS and not yours….
Whether its other expats or family members who are having a bad day recognise their “down days” as exactly that, theirs. Commiserate, offer a sympathetic shoulder but DON’T allow them to make it yours. I will never forget a day spent moaning with a friend about our current location. We had a great day sharing our frustrations and dislikes. I thought it was therapeutic at the time, but the next day I felt incredibly low. Sympathise and then move on to happier thoughts and activities. However, if you are concerned about the level of depression or emotional reaction that you are witnessing then do seek professional help.
Your family need you but not ALL of the time….
We arrive abroad as the expat partner and everyone needs us. Our partners need us to off-load the stresses of new jobs and challenges and if we have children they need us for practical, emotional and social support. It can be overwhelming, exhausting but also strangely self-affirming to realise how important we are to everyone.
BUT it is important to make time for our own needs as well.
This weekend, after six weeks of relocation drama things came to a head in our house. My two daughters fought so appallingly on a shopping trip that I was completely at my wits end. I arrived home, chucked the car keys at my husband and said I needed a walk – a long walk. Later when I arrived home, the house was calm and my youngest daughter, the real protagonist in the whole affair was there to greet me and apologise. I learnt an important lesson, I need some “me” time in order to be at my best. I’d been so tied up in our complicated relocation, our children’s roller coaster ride as they adapted to their new school, that I hadn’t given myself time to just be…. My daughter also needed to recognise that whilst I’m there and love her, sometimes I need space as well. We are all better people for investing time in ourselves….
Own your own happiness.
Remember you are where you are because you made a decision to go, or at least you made a decision not to say no. Now it is up to you to make it work. Take responsibility and work out how to achieve a happy life in your new location in a positive and growth orientated way. Look for and ask for help when you need it. Please don’t play the blame game, it’s a negative, nasty game to play and NEVER pays positive dividends.
Please share YOUR secret strategies for making it through the first 365 days in a new location in the comments below. They could make all the difference to someone who is experiencing the transitional dip.
Don’t worry you are not alone!
Settling in and adapting is most definitely not a walk in the park. We’ve been in this position more times than we care to remember and whilst we know it’s not easy we also know that it will pass…. it is just something you are going to have to work your way through.
In this blog post we share our five strategies for making it through intact.
No get out of jail card for the first year….
This one comes from Evelyn and it’s a great strategy. Once the decision to relocate has been made she and her husband have an agreement that no-one will insist on “going home” or even suggest it as a possibility for the first year, no matter how bad it gets. Once those first 365 days are up however, if one decides that it’s not working then the other has to listen. Their experience has shown that generally most of the tough adaptation challenges occur in the first year and by the end neither is wanting to give up.
Don’t simply stay home……
Tempting though it can be to create your perfect “home from home” and then stay there, you have to recognise that closeting yourself in your “comfort zone” will not help you to get the most from your foreign adventure and experience. Take a BIG deep breath and get on out there….unless of course you are in a war zone, then of course, please stay safe.
Other people’s grief and frustration is THEIRS and not yours….
Whether its other expats or family members who are having a bad day recognise their “down days” as exactly that, theirs. Commiserate, offer a sympathetic shoulder but DON’T allow them to make it yours. I will never forget a day spent moaning with a friend about our current location. We had a great day sharing our frustrations and dislikes. I thought it was therapeutic at the time, but the next day I felt incredibly low. Sympathise and then move on to happier thoughts and activities. However, if you are concerned about the level of depression or emotional reaction that you are witnessing then do seek professional help.
Your family need you but not ALL of the time….
We arrive abroad as the expat partner and everyone needs us. Our partners need us to off-load the stresses of new jobs and challenges and if we have children they need us for practical, emotional and social support. It can be overwhelming, exhausting but also strangely self-affirming to realise how important we are to everyone.
BUT it is important to make time for our own needs as well.
This weekend, after six weeks of relocation drama things came to a head in our house. My two daughters fought so appallingly on a shopping trip that I was completely at my wits end. I arrived home, chucked the car keys at my husband and said I needed a walk – a long walk. Later when I arrived home, the house was calm and my youngest daughter, the real protagonist in the whole affair was there to greet me and apologise. I learnt an important lesson, I need some “me” time in order to be at my best. I’d been so tied up in our complicated relocation, our children’s roller coaster ride as they adapted to their new school, that I hadn’t given myself time to just be…. My daughter also needed to recognise that whilst I’m there and love her, sometimes I need space as well. We are all better people for investing time in ourselves….
Own your own happiness.
Remember you are where you are because you made a decision to go, or at least you made a decision not to say no. Now it is up to you to make it work. Take responsibility and work out how to achieve a happy life in your new location in a positive and growth orientated way. Look for and ask for help when you need it. Please don’t play the blame game, it’s a negative, nasty game to play and NEVER pays positive dividends.
Please share YOUR secret strategies for making it through the first 365 days in a new location in the comments below. They could make all the difference to someone who is experiencing the transitional dip.
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